Autism Level 1 and Inattentive ADHD (ADHD-i). Unofficially its called AuDHD-i and is a thing all of its own.

I’m nearly 60 so its a lot to process. Years of thinking I was broken, of struggling to keep up with my peers and all the time I was doing it with whats classed as a disability.

Thats why I felt the need to work 18hrs, 7 days a week for decades yet always felt like I was catching up. Thats why I struggled with the habits everyone else just took for granted. Thats why I ate the same breakfast and dinner for decades. It explains a distinct writing style and embarrassing habits during meetings like interupting and forgetting what I’m talking about mid sentence. It explains my clumsiness. It explains my focus on details and incessent questioning. My need to over explain and over think. Its why I can’t maintain friendships outside of the shared interest of work. The list goes on and on.

My official paper work is over 20 closely typed pages of depressing, upsetting clinical/ medical speak. My personal paper work I wrote as prep is over 150pages of almost entirely negative anecdotes and personal history.

And now I realise how tired I am.